


Bias

by On_Sonnshine



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Crying, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Like, Self-Hatred, but it's like, mostly hurt-, some fluffy family moments near the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 05:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15164120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/On_Sonnshine/pseuds/On_Sonnshine
Summary: 'Easily hidden, emotional reactions.'Or, rather, theywereeasily hidden.





	Bias

**Author's Note:**

> is this hip with the kids, is this the fad, is this what we're doing-

Logan swallowed over the lump in his throat, biting at his bottom lip so hard that if he was in a better state of mind, he’d worry he was going to bite straight through it.  
  
There was a whirl of action around him, the others shouting over each other, gesturing sporadically. This type of chaos had happened before, on rare occasion, but this time was...different.  
  
‘If Logan had simply-’  
  
‘You’re such a fucking _idiot_ Roman, it’s not like you didn’t do _just_ as much as Logan in _fucking up_ **_that_** relationship-’  
  
‘Kiddos, it- it really wasn’t that bad-’  
  
‘How _blind_ can you _be_ Patton-’  
  
‘What did we even expect from _Logic-_ ’  
  
Logan feels a metallic tang sting his tongue and he takes in a sharp, shaking breath.  
  
‘ _Shut_ _**UP!**_ ’ Logan’s arms are pressed tight to his sides, hands fisting in the fabric of his pants, and he lowers his head, taking quick, shaking breaths.  
  
His breath hitches, and he takes in that telltale shaky breath, seemingly loud in the sudden silence of the room. And then...then...then he feels hot tears leaking down his cheeks, one after the other.  
  
Logan feels heat rising to his cheeks- what he recognizes as an embarrassed, most likely dark red, flush. He hates it. He _despises_ crying, he _hates it_ , hates doing it at all, hates doing it in front of the others even more, but _god_ , in the middle of an argument? That takes the cake, the trophy, and the goddamn golden _medal_ , for his most humiliating moment.  
  
If Logan were to look up, he’d see the simultaneous shock and heartbreak spelled across the other’s faces- that is, if he were to look up, which he’d rather die first than do.  
  
They’ve all heard him shout, of course they have, but like _that_ , an emotion-choked _scream_ coming from calm, stoic Logan- it feels like a chill has settled over the room, and they all feel guilt settling over them faster than seems possible.  
  
Logan is hardly making noise now, quiet in sharp juxtaposition to his previous volume, and all they can hear from him are soft whimpers and gasps for breath. Virgil can’t help but wonder how many times Logan has cried around them and none of them noticed just because _they couldn’t hear it._  
  
Patton and Roman aren’t that far quite yet- they only know that their chests seems to actually physically _ache_ at the scene in front of them. As though the broken shards of their individual hearts were piercing at their skin.  
  
‘Logan...’ Logan twitches, curling down into himself, ducking his head further and reaching up to harshly wipe at his eyes with the insides of his wrists, sniffling. His breathing is sporadic, and Roman has the brief thought that he’s trying- and struggling- to get his breathing under control. Roman understands _that_ feeling far too well.  
  
Logan briefly presses a hand to his chest, still attempting to regulate his breathing, but to his frustration, it’s only making it worse- these tears are long overdue, after all.  
  
‘I- I- hold on just- just give me a moment it- it normally goes away after a- a minute I- I don't know why it's s-so nnnoticeable now.’ Logan’s voice is watery, ridden with hitches and hiccups, and if their hearts weren’t broken before, they certainly were now.  
  
Patton, Roman, and Virgil all look at each other, sharing a look that seems to communicate the exact same realization- _he's done this before, and we didn't even notice. He was crying, or at least tearing up, a few feet away from us, in plain view, and we didn't fucking **notice**. He **needed us** , and we were too full of ourselves to notice._  
  
Roman’s the one to first talk, reaching out as though to comfort- _comfort? HA, like that’d make up for anything. Some prince you are, so goddamn dense you couldn’t even see that a part of your family was suffering_ -, ‘Oh, gracious, Logan...’  
  
Virgil is kick-started then, shaking his head and swaying closer to Logan, feeling that same urge to comfort, if on a less tactile level than Roman. His stomach churns, and he works to keep his own breathing under control, because _christ_ , that’s a lot of information he’s just gotten.  
  
_Ironic huh? You, anxiety, couldn’t even tell that Logan was hurting. Where did you THINK the ‘random’ stomach pains were coming from, asshole?_  
  
‘N-no, _no_ , Logan, it's okay. You're fine- if- if you need to let it out, let it out. I'm- i’m sorry. We're sorry.’  
  
Logan shies away from Virgil’s direction, shaking his head, and his arms wrap tightly around his torso, glasses held between his fingers to prevent them from getting fogged up.  
  
Despite the negative motion, Logan doesn’t say anything- he can’t bring himself to, but he knows what he _wants_ to say.  
  
That no, _no_ , it's not ‘ _okay_ ’, because he's Logic, as was so oh-so-eloquently pointed out mere minutes ago- Logic doesn't mix with emotion. Logic becomes bias if it mixes with emotion, it becomes the exact opposite of its prime purpose.  
  
If he has to force his emotions down into boxes and accept it when he's ‘ _Logan ‘No Emotion’ Sanders_ ’, then so be it. He's doing his job, and it's a job he can't do effectively if feelings get involved. Such as now.  
  
It only leads to humiliating him and making him look selfish, or idiotic. Makes him feel like a moron, which hey, he’s getting more used to.  
  
Virgil feels a vague pang in his stomach, because he has the faintest idea of exactly what the lack of response meant, and he looked over to meet Patton’s eye. Patton nodded slightly- he knew.  
  
It takes a solid minute, but he manages to get himself calmed down, and the tears to stop flowing so freely down his face. He wipes the last of the tears from his cheeks, sliding his glasses back on and sniffling as he finally raises his head to look at the others.  
  
The others feel their hearts shatter all over again, because there are still faint tear-streaks on Logan’s face, his eyes are red, and not to mention, he looks positively miserable. Not only that, he's still sniffling and hiccuping, though trying to quiet it.  
  
Virgil chews his lip, but then Patton is rocking forward on his feet slightly, hands clasping.  
  
‘Lo, sweetheart...you’re okay. You’re allowed to feel bad- you’re allowed to _feel_. We all are.’  
  
Roman speaks then, before Logan has the chance to protest, despite the fact that he feels as though he’s at a loss for words. ‘I-...Logan, dearest it’s...it’s alright.’ Is all he manages to get out, tilting his head as he flicks his wrist, conjuring a handkerchief and stepping forward to offer it to Logan.  
  
Logan takes it after a moment, and he does look like he feels a bit better, which is a bit of relief to Roman. Hell, all of them. A bit.  
  
Mostly because, Logan looks like he feels a bit better, until his eyes return to the others. Then his frown deepens, his eyes briefly casting to the floor, a movement so uncharacteristic of prideful Logan that it seems to chill the room all over again.  
  
The room is still dead silent, and the others all look extremely worried.  
  
Logan swiftly comes to the conclusion that this is 100% worse than when they were all yelling at him.  
  
He still feels awful- there’s a pit in his stomach, self-loathing so strong it makes him feel faintly sick, but now embarrassment is mixing with that and he reaches up to nervously adjust his tie.  
  
‘I-...my apologies, I- I shouldn’t have-’ ‘Logan.’  
  
Logan falls silent again immediately, flush returning with full force, humiliation and shame only making the pit in his stomach that much nastier. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting, but he knows it certainly can’t be anything good.  
  
It’s Virgil, and the anxious Side tenses at the reaction, shaking his head.  
  
‘No, no, Logan- we’re not- you- we don’t think any less of you. Really.’ Virgil leans down slightly, making an attempt at catching Logan’s eye, ‘Hey, listen.’  
  
Logan winces, fumbling briefly with his hands before looking up- he doesn’t meet Virgil’s eye, but it’s a start.  
  
‘You’re fine. You don’t have to apologize for letting emotions out, especially after... _that_. That was...shitty and...unfair. We shouldn’t have just...ganged up on you like that.’ Virgil himself winces at saying that, but he continues, knowing he doesn’t really have a choice, ‘I probably would’ve started crying earlier.’  
  
If it’s a condolence to those around him, Logan does look like he feels a bit better- but not by much.  
  
He clears his throat, shaking his head, clasping his hands behind his back, straightening. _Trying to return to normal._  
  
‘It’s...quite alright, Virgil. If you all... feel the need to, take your aggressions out on me then...’ Logan tilts his head, eyes briefly unfocusing before returning to the older Side, ‘I’ve dealt with it before, i’ll deal with it now.’  
  
It feels unnatural. Like what’s happening isn’t real.  
  
It doesn’t feel real.  
  
Logan is snarky, Logan is spit-fire, Logan doesn’t take shit from any of them. _But_...now it’s different. When did it change? Had they been so unobservant, so brash that...?  
  
Patton looks nearly close to tears, and he’d barely even been in on the shouting, instead trying to play mediator, as Logan was being shouted down. Roman and Virgil both look horrified.  
  
Virgil opens his mouth, inches from speaking again, but Patton beats him to it, stepping closer to Logan and sucking in a shaky breath.  
  
‘ _No._ ’  
  
Patton’s voice cracks slightly, but nevertheless, it’s firm, leaving no room for argument.  
  
Logan can’t help a flinch.  
  
‘You shouldn’t _have_ to deal with it, Lo. None of us should- we shouldn’t ever treat each other that way.’ Patton pauses, and Roman takes the lull as his chance.  
  
‘Logan I...i’m so, _so_ sorry,’ Roman sounds truly apologetic, his shoulders falling and head lowering slightly, ‘I know that we don’t get along all that well, but no matter how much we bicker it...should _never_ get to that point, Patton is...absolutely right.’  
  
Logan’s face morphs into surprise- and a confusion that does nothing good for the self-loathing of the other occupants in the room-, and he stares at them for a moment, almost as though he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, or for one of them to reveal it as a joke; something like that.  
  
It never comes, and Logan’s eyes slowly return to Patton.  
  
‘O-...okay.’ He doesn’t know what they’re looking for, honestly.  
  
Patton looks briefly pained, and then he steps forward, giving a soft, ‘Can I?’  
  
Logan nods, though he’s not sure what Patton’s asking, and then Patton closes the gap between them, wrapping him in a tight hug- as though he fears Logan will disappear suddenly.  
  
Logan’s hands come up to awkwardly rest on the other Side's back, but that’s not the end of it.  
  
‘I’m...i’m so sorry.’ Logan frowns at the shakiness in Patton’s voice, turning his head a bit and rubbing at Patton’s back, awkwardness dissipating to be replaced with more confusion.  
  
‘You didn’t do anything...wrong?’ And that was true. Patton hadn’t.  
  
Well, as far as Logan was concerned, none of them had done anything wrong. He understood that they got frustrated with him- he gets frustrated with himself, too.  
  
Patton’s hands stutter, and he sighs softly, ‘I-...I know, Lo, it’s...I know.’  
  
Roman and Virgil hesitantly gravitate closer to them, Roman only following when Virgil gestures him over. Logan wants to protest- he doesn’t want Roman to be forced to join- but he can’t manage to get out the words.  
  
Roman fidgets with his fingers, and Virgil gives Logan a questioning look, opening his arms a bit. Logan looks to Roman briefly, and reluctantly nods.  
  
They sort of...collapse into them, Roman finding himself gripping Logan’s shirt like a lifeline, and Virgil burying his face into Logan’s shoulder.  
  
There’s silence for a moment, and Logan is just starting to melt into the warmth, before Virgil speaks, hesitant and soft.  
  
‘Lo...what did you mean when you said you ‘didn’t know why it was so noticable now’?’  
  
They all find a simultaneous hatred for how Logan tenses up. Patton tightens his grip on Logan, breath hitching.  
  
Logan takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and briefly turning his face into Patton’s neck. Gathering his wits.  
  
When he lifts his head again, he’s not any more ready than he was before, but he can’t avoid the question- that’s only going to bring more problems.  
  
‘I...merely meant that, every now and again...’ Logan cringes as he continues, ‘In the past I have had minimal, easily hidden... _emotional_ reactions to...certain things.’  
  
Logan seems to spit out ‘emotional’, and then he’s turning his face back into Patton’s shoulder, face burning all over again, chest tightening with the anticipation of their responses. He knows what they said previously, but he can’t help but fear their reaction anyways.  
  
Will they tell him how pathetic he is, or will they just not deign to respond in the first place, Logan can’t help but wonder.  
  
They all have a swift, mutual understanding of the implication- _fuck he **has** , he’s cried in front of them, and they had no **idea** , no **inkling** of an idea, how **unobservant** were they, how **ignorant** , how- how **oblivious?**_  
  
Patton takes in a deep breath, both to calm himself down, and to keep from crying himself. He rubs circles into Logan’s back, and Roman tightens his grip a bit, words coming out softer than anticipated.  
  
‘Logan- darling- you don’t...have to _hide_ things like that.’ He leans down slightly, pressing a kiss to Logan’s temple, and in any other situation Logan would’ve protested. As it stands now, he barely breathes.  
  
Patton and Virgil nod in agreement, and then Virgil swallows thickly, adding on, ‘You don’t have to feel bad or...or weak, or illogical, or whatever, for your feelings. We-...we all have them. There’s no shame in letting them out every once in a while.’  
  
Logan feels a sort of shock wash over him at the response, and his fingers grasp at the fabric of Patton’s shirt. _What?_  
  
It takes a moment for the words to sink in, the unanimous agreement on them, and when it finally does, he lets out a breath, hesitantly sinking to melt against Patton. He could get teary again, but instead he opts for clinging to him.  
  
‘You...you believe so?’ Logan’s voice is almost inaudible, muffled and weak, and Patton glances at the others, unshed tears glistening in his eyes.  
  
‘We know so.’


End file.
